


the stars look very different today

by holtzbian



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-19 23:12:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11323701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holtzbian/pseuds/holtzbian
Summary: Erin can draw.





	the stars look very different today

Holtzmann takes to leaving her stuff on Erin's desk. The first few times, it was an accident; she'd have sauntered over there with some small tools in her hand from whatever she was working on, or some blueprints she wanted to show her, and gotten distracted by Erin's, y'know, _existence_ , and left them there. But what she had learned from this was that Erin would come up to the lab and talk to her to bring them back. This she liked. So she just kept doing it- papers, tools, random pieces of metal, a tiny wind-up dog toy that does backflips... you name it. On this occasion, though, Erin had been too caught up in her work to re-organise her desk (as she usually did several times a day- it relaxed her) and hadn't found Holtz's preliminary plans for a new piece of gear inside one of her folders. Then Erin had left, joining Abby and Patty in picking up lunch, so she hadn't gotten to it, and Holtz actually needed it back. She heads down from the lab after they leave and picks up the first of Erin's carefully organised, colour-coded folders and begins lazily thumbing through it. She doesn't look at the pages of writings and equations, doesn't even think to, until something catches her eye. It's a small doodle in the bottom right corner of a page- the four of them, in adorable cartoon form, celebrating. Holtzmann grins, running her thumb over the picture fondly.

"Erin Gilbert," She says to herself, amazed.

She keeps looking then, only stopping when she sees something else out of place. It's different, not a cartoonish doodle but a full page sketch, rough yet detailed. And it's her. It's indisputably Holtz, hunched over writing something, a look of concentration on her face.

"Erin _Gilbert_ ," She says again, barely a whisper, her breath catching in her throat.

Her mind starts to race, picturing Erin across a room, watching her, capturing her on a page. A few pages on, there's another, just her side profile this time. The plans she had been looking for fall out between the pages, but she barely takes note of them, flipping through the pages and finding more. Holtzmann thinking, working, smiling, laughing. Holtzmann. Over and over.

She slams the folder shut when she hears the sound of voices approaching the firehouse door, picking up her papers and jumping away from Erin's desk like it's on fire. She makes it up the stairs just as the other three ghostbusters return, hoping to get far enough away that they don't hear the deafening pounding in her chest.

 

* * *

 

 

Holtzmann starts way more fires than usual. She's up to five within the space of a few hours when she finally gives up. She _cannot work_. The parts of her mind that are usually happily filled with half-baked ideas for new proton guns and ghost traps that she'll figure out once she starts are suddenly drowned out by _Erin_. That's not to say that Erin doesn't usually occupy her thoughts- she most definitely does. But usually, Holtz can tame her Erin thoughts down to a pleasant buzz in the back of her mind by submerging herself in work and playing her music way too loud. It's suddenly overwhelming; she forgets what she's doing and pictures Erin watching her, her hands moving nimbly across a page, capturing her features perfectly. She wonders how much effort she puts into it. She wonders why she's never told anyone how fucking _talented_ she is at that. Holtzmann feels like she's discovered another part of Erin, a part that's maybe just hers for now, and it does nothing but make her realise how badly she wants to know everything about her. She wants to know her favourite colour, whether she can sleep with the lights on, what smells remind her of home, if being reminded of home is a good thing, if she reads her horoscope, what shampoo she uses, what she looks like when she's just woken up... Everything.

"Holtz?"

"Yah?" Her head snaps up immediately to see Erin in the doorway, and she realises she'd just been staring at her hands.

"Oh hello, Dr Erin Gilbert, PhD."

"...Okay," Erin laughs, stepping into the room.

"What are you working on?"

"Eh," Holtz shrugs, which turns into a yawn as she stretches her arms out in front of her.

"Not sure. It's not happening today, anyway."

"Why not?" Erin asks, standing next to her now, leaning against her work station.

"My, uh," She clears her throat, looking up at Erin from her seat.

"My head's just not in it."

Erin tilts her head, eyebrows knitting together in concern.

"You okay?"

"Yup. Just an off day."

Holtzmann waves her hand, trying to dismiss her.

"You were okay earlier. Something happen?"

"Erin," Holtzmann laughs at her persistence.

"I'm fine."

Erin seems sceptical, but lets it slide.

"Okay. Do you want some food? Yours is in the fridge downstairs."

Holtzmann pats her stomach then looks thoughtful for a few moments, as if waiting for it to respond.

"I could eat. What time is it?" She asks as she gets up and heads for the door, Erin following close behind her.

"Three-ish," Erin shrugs.

"Abby and Patty have that thing at the Mayor's office. They just left."

Holtzmann just nods as she heads for the stairs, Erin following close behind her. Meetings with the mayor were generally left to the other two- they made Erin unnecessarily nervous, and Holtzmann tended to be 'unhelpful' and 'distracting'.

 

It's a few minutes before she notices. They'd stayed in relative silence, comfortable silence, whilst Holtz had reheated her food and sat down at the kitchen table opposite Erin, who had a notepad and pen in her hands. Having forgotten to eat since breakfast, as she did most days, it wasn't until Holtzmann was halfway through her meal that she registered the sound of pen scratching on paper.

"Erin," She says softly, putting her food down to focus on the other woman.

Erin looks up, eyebrows raised, her tongue caught between her lips in concentration.

"Are you drawing me?"

"Am I- what?" Erin laughs too abruptly, flustered, looking around at nothing.

"I'm... No. What?" She runs a hand through her hair, suddenly tense.

"Why would you ask that?"

"I saw- I left something on your desk earlier, and I was looking for it, and- I didn't know." She pauses for a little too long.

"That you could draw, I mean."

Erin bites her lip, staring at her hands, clearly stressed out and embarrassed.

"How many did you see?"

"Just one," Holtzmann lies.

"The four of us. A cartoon type thing. It was really cute."

Erin visibly relaxes then, settling back in her seat.

"Oh," She laughs in relief.

"Yeah, I just... I do it to wind down sometimes. After a bust."

Holtzmann hums in response, looking back down at her food so Erin doesn't see her smile. They fall back into silence, and a few moments later, Holtzmann hears pen on paper again.

 

* * *

 

 

Holtzmann is a creature of curiosity. She knows this about herself. It's why, when she's up in the lab after everyone's left and she thinks about the drawings again, she knows resistance is futile. She sighs a little as she drops her tools and heads downstairs. She picks up the same file from earlier in the day, and flips through until something catches her eye. There's two new ones; the quick sketch from their dinner conversation is the first she finds, and she smiles at it- she's pictured holding up a fork wrapped in spaghetti, staring intensely at it. The second she finds is different, and her breath catches in her throat at the sight of it. It's an intense study of her face, taking up an entire page, carefully shaded and defined. She tries not to focus too hard on how detailed her lips are.

She thinks back to how they spent the rest of the work day- Erin had been downstairs, whilst Holtzmann was up in the lab. Did she- had she studied her face so much that she could draw it from memory? She swallows that thought hard and sets it down. Unable to resist, she takes out her phone and snaps pictures of all of them, before putting the file back exactly as she'd found it and heading home for the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Her feet don't take her home. She should have known, really. Most nights she sleeps at the firehouse, and she's got enough clean clothes there to last here another week. She doesn't need to go home.

She doesn't even notice it's raining until she gets into the lobby of Erin's apartment building and is relieved by the warm air. She shakes off her hair in the elevator up to the eighth floor, barely even registering the man behind her who curses her out for it. She heads out of the elevator and down the hall with purpose, knocking three times on Erin's door.

Erin opens the door just a crack after a few seconds, peering around tentatively. Her eyes widen when she sees Holtz, and she opens it the rest of the way.

"Holtz, are you okay?" She asks, staring at her with concern.

Holtzmann doesn't respond at first, her mouth going dry at the sight of Erin in an oversized shirt and pyjama shorts, her legs going on for days. She's suddenly aware of her rain-soaked and bedraggled appearance.

"Uh, yeah," She chokes out. She clears her throat, then reaches into her pocket for her phone. She looks at it for a minute, then hands it to Erin, open on a photo she'd taken only half an hour ago.

Erin's cheeks burn red, and Holtzmann looks at the ground.

"I'm sorry I went through your stuff. I didn't do it on purpose, I- I left some stuff on your desk. I do it because you always bring it back and I like seeing you. And I found them. And then once I knew they were there, I couldn't not look at them."

"Holtz, I-"

"Wait," Holtzmann cuts her off, then doesn't speak for a few moments.

"They're really beautiful, Erin. You're really talented. I mean, I knew you were talented, you're a genius. A beautiful genius. But it made me realise there's all this stuff I don't know about you, and how badly I wanna know all the stuff there is to know about you, and I just..."

She looks up at her finally, finding her still wide-eyed and red-faced.

She exhales softly and steps forward, reaching up to stroke her cheek. Erin doesn't even shiver at her cold touch.

She just barely touches her lips to hers, then sighs in relief as she feels Erin kiss her back, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer. Erin's hand tangles in blonde curls, and Holtzmann feels her smile against her lips.

"I'm sorry I look like I just recently drowned," She whispers, resting her forehead against hers.

"I don't care," Erin laughs, kissing her again.

 

* * *

 

 

The next morning, Holtzmann awakes in an empty bed that isn't her own. As her eyes adjust, she remembers a night of talking about anything and everything, trying to discover as much of the other as they could in the hours before they fell asleep wrapped around each other. She smiles and rolls over, feeling something crumple beneath the sheets. She lifts back the comforter to reveal a sheet of paper, and unfolds it to find a small sketch of her own sleeping form, a heart doodled in the corner. She grins and holds it to her chest, wondering how she got so lucky to be able to inspire someone as incredible as Erin, who inspires her everyday.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just found this half-done in the depths of my computer today, and thought I'd finish it, so I'm sorry if it seems disjointed or inconsistent at all. Hope you liked it!


End file.
